WHY BE GENEROUS?

PAULA T. WEBB, PHD

Yes why be generous? What’s in it for you? Does anyone really appreciate what you give, whether it is your time spent with them, a gift that you chose carefully, or actual money? Probably not. Why? Because, in each case, when you “gave” something or some part of yourself, you were most likely looking for a result. Looking for an expected response. Not just being generous to be generous, with no thought of a return on your ‘investment,’ but just to give.

Now, you say, well, I don’t expect anything when I am generous to someone or some organization! But in reality, most of us do. It’s only natural to expect some kind of response, or pat on the back that’s the world we live in. Instant gratification, I did this, now you do this for me, right now. You may be thinking, hey I couldn’t really afford that gift, couldn’t really take the time to visit and that person really didn’t seem to appreciate the sacrifices you made. Sound familiar?

And, using my standard article format, let’s ask the question just what is generosity? What does it mean to be genuinely generous? Webster’s Dictionary describes the word generous as “…being noble-minded; to give or share…” And Roget’s Thesaurus states “…large or great heart; go out of the way; observe the Golden Rule; noble-mindedness; unselfish…” The noble-mindedness, of course, harkens back to the days of kings and queens, who had plenty and (hopefully) shared their wealth with others with less. To have a large or great heart takes us to the idea of compassion for others, by giving of something of yourself. The Golden Rule, ‘…do unto others…’ may appear not apply so much today, because we may not see how our generosity is accepted, appreciated, and just as importantly, returned back to us.

Which gets me to the point of this article. To be truly generous, one has to resolve any feelings of the give and owe factor meaning, just because you give something to someone, does not obligate them in any way to return the favor. Yes, that would be nice, in a perfect world, but this concept is multi-dimensional. First, to be generous, one has to take their own emotions out of the picture. Just giving to give and expecting a reward or recognition for the simple act of giving, is not being generous. Did that person truly want you to give them that gift, did they really want you spending hours at their home or on the telephone chatting away or did you just give of yourself from some personal need to feel needed, or to say you did such and such for someone?

We all want to be needed and appreciated that is a normal human condition. But think back to a time, or times, when your gift, money, or time spent was not appreciated. What does that tell you? It’s simple. It means that it was not appropriate for the other person at that particular point in time, but more importantly, it was not being given by you, from a clear and clean space about what it means to be really generous. And we all do this, so don’t start worrying about it! Just begin to have an awareness of when and how you give to others.

If you truly do not feel you can give freely, without reservation, without thought of recognition then don’t! And, when you do feel that you can give without any thoughts or expectations, then do so! That is the true essence of generosity and that is when you will see the gratitude and appreciation for your honest giving.

• “Give and it will be given to you…for the measure you give will be the measure you get back.” Christianity – Luke 6:38
• “The gift which is given without thought of recompense, in the belief only that it ought to be made in a fit place, at an opportune time such a gift is Pure.” Hinduism – Bhagavad Gita 17:20-21
• “If you knew the fruit of sharing gifts, you would not enjoy their use without sharing them, nor would the idea of holding back ever be in your heart. If you knew the fruit of sharing, even if it were your last bit, your last morsel of food, you would not enjoy it without sharing it…” Buddhism – Itivuttaka 18

*Excerpt from an article written by Dr. Paula T. Webb and published in the Herald Tribune (Canada).